A Mistake Made

There’s a hole

right in my chest

where emotion stood

 

A little house, on a

wide frozen sea

 

If I was as good a

friend as you said, if

I really meant that much to you

then why didn’t you say?

 

Why did I have to dig and

dig, knowing something was

wrong to find out it was

all wrong and

to drag out an explanation

 

I knew you couldn’t love me,

because love scares you

and I’m a fucking freak

 

I knew that would always be true

 

(have you seen him,

drawn, pale, shaped

like living death?)

 

You can’t return those

feelings, though I never

wanted those feelings

back

 

You didn’t want a

relationship; yet you never

asked what I wanted

 

You never asked if

we could just be friends

 

This drawing, clawing

anger

like some

slow

kind

of

madness

pulling me

down

and down

and down

(so

far

d

o

w

n)

 

I want to burn in this madness

 

I want to shine like the morning star

 

I want to scream

I want to hate you

and remove you

piece by piece,

so that it all

never happened

 

I want to burn it down

and forget your face

 

But I can’t

I can’t

 

I don’t think I could

live with that choice

 

But I can’t stand it

understand

recreate

 

They say time heals

all wounds

but it makes the

loneliness show

instead

 

I guess I really fucked up this time

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